Life presents us with a lot of different challenges and opportunities. There is usually no rest in between these waves of change that keep rolling towards the shore that is our present moment. Especially nowadays – and this won’t be news for you – the waves keep coming faster and faster and it’s really hard not to get drowned. We keep coming up for air. Sometimes it feels like this is all we are actually doing. The shore itself – which could be the silent center of our being – seems to disappear in our struggle to keep our heads above the water.

At least that’s what life feels like a lot to me right now.

Surfing the Waves of Change

There is this great metapher I use myself about surfing the waves of change. The ideal is to not be drowned by the waves, but make use of them to propel us forward.

This is a lot to ask!

Surfer on the water inside a wave that might be to big for themIn order to become successful surfers we first have to learn how to swim. Then we need to find a bay where the waves come to use in a pattern and rhythm that we can actually master. There is no use to expect of us to surf with the champions or be able to surf each and every wave that comes our way. Some places are not right for us at this moment. Some waves are just too big. No need to self-sabotage by trying to master a wave that we are just not equipped to handle.

Sometimes it is right and correct to take a risk and to dare to dream big. In fact, I wish for all of us to dream bigger! We are all more brilliant and capable than we dare to imagine at times. At the same time we need to be smart about it.

If you desire to ride the big waves then you need to build your strength and your skill by starting with the smaller waves. You can probably still explore the waters of the bay you want to surf in, but start with the small waves. Start with the waves that are closer to where you actually are right now and probably also closer to the shore. You can always go deeper into the water at a later point in time – but you need to build your strength and skills first. You might also need to find a good surfing teacher AND an expert of this very specific bay you are trying to master. Don’t expect yourself to be a master from the get go. Learn from the masters and the other surfers in that area FIRST. This is the safest and the most certain way to become a master yourself.

All of that said: Sometimes the weather is just not right for surfing.

Surfing (and therefore living) requires a level of flexibility. When a good wave comes your way – hit it! Don’t expect that kind of wave to come to you every time and every day, though. This is not how nature works. This is not how life nor the universe works. Accepting not every wave is yours to surf (yet?) and that not every day is or needs to be like surfing the perfect wave is essential.

There is also wisdom in making the most of your time between waves or when the weather is just not right for surfing anyway. You can still work out on the beach. Or rest. Or play. Or hike through the forest. Build your strength and renew your energy. Don’t exhaust yourself before the actual wave comes or you will simply not be able to ride it.

Obviously when you are sick there is no point in forcing yourself to swim out into those waves to begin with. Recover first. Get rest and help as needed.

Looking over the calm ocean sea

Embracing the Process

All of this takes practice (not perfection!) and I’m right here practicing with you. I’m meditating to better access the shore by increasing my capacity to be present to the here and now. I’m journaling, channeling and asking friends to help me figure out what bay might be mine to conquer next. Which are the areas where I will (and already do) excel. All of this combined with doing the actual research, diving into the materials of experts AND still doing my best at both of my jobs.

All of which is a lot! Which is also why I have been silent here for quite a while. I’m still available to take on some new clients in between, but most of the time my time and energy resources are just already spent and scheduled.

I will make an effort to share my occasional updates here and hope to be able to produce the occasional video for my youtube channel as well – but this will not just depend on my willingness and energy, but also on the windy weather and sometimes very unpredictable waves of the bays I am already having obligations to.

I’m happy to support you if you need help figuring out the whole surfing process with my skills. And I hope that you already found some helpful thoughts and advice in these words.

If you feel like you are drowing: Ask for help. Remember the waves you already mastered. Ask for help.

Build your strength. Train and increase your skills. Identify and get the training and advise you need.

Then hit those waves and make the most of it!

The sun is rising over the ocean waves promising hope at the end of the tunnel

How wild, untamed and free do you dare to become?

The first time that I encountered the term ‘rewilding’ was in Peter grey’s very insightful and important blogpost called Rewilding Witchcraft. It follows the idea that Witches and Pagans have sort of forgotten their roots and their purpose which are connected to engaging with and protecting the wild. It challenges the respective audience to open up their eyes to the current ecological crisis of the planet and most of our local environments. It asks us to revisit our spiritual practices and question them.

Do they really connect me with the wild inside and outside of myself?

Do my actions build connections with, acknowledge and protect the non-human communities I live with?

These are some of the guiding questions which have walked with me since I first read Peter Grey’s words. It’s what started my own rewilding journey.

small boy at the edge of a lakeI have always felt a very intimate connection with plants and the spirits of nature. I spent a lot of my childhood and teenage years in the garden and the forest. I talked to trees and faeries.

At the same time I was socialized like most of us. I was told how to sit, eat and behave. I was told that there are no spirits in my room at night. That the natural world was not really dead, but below human consciousness. That there was no actual way to talk to trees or rivers. That God had blessed humans with unique mental capacities which allowed us to condition, control and rule the wilderness outside of us as well as our body and animal nature.

These teachings were given to me by my parents, but also the other kids I played with, neighbors, school, etc. These were some of the collective assumptions about reality that I had to accept (at least officially) to become acceptable. Unacceptable beliefs and actions were laughed at or punished.

Add to that all the emotional and physical abuse I experienced by family and ‘friends’ as a child and teenager for being different than expected. For being other(worldly?).

As a result I forgot how to see and talk with the faeries and other beings for a while. It took me years of dedicated spiritual practice to get them back. Some of my clairvoyant abilities are still not nearly as evolved as they were when I was 5 years old.

statue of a druid in front of treesThe kind of spirituality that had always spoken to me and was instrumental in my emotional healing process and self-empowerment was Witchcraft.

When I discovered this alternative to Christian beliefs and doctrines when I was 12 years old I was so excited! It felt like coming home. Like I’m not weird for experiencing the world a certain way, but gifted.

Witchcraft and other shamanic, Pagan and polytheist practices and beliefs continued to inform me since that time.

I loved especially how these beliefs and practices seemed rooted in nature and emphasized how to live in ‘harmony’ and ‘balance’ with the natural world.

It wasn’t until I started learning more about ecology, nature conservation and sustainable agriculture that I noticed how removed many of these (modern) beliefs and practices actually were from nature.

I believe that the same can be said about a lot of teachings and beliefs within the ‘New Age’ and ‘spiritual’ community.

I am no exception to probably being a little blind-sided by growing up in a relative urban environment within Western civilization. How could I not be?

I did run through fields and forests as a child and we still grew at least some of our food in our garden. We foraged mushrooms and herbs for tea. We used natural medicines. We were probably more attuned to the land and that kind of ancestral knowledge than most of our neighbors.

And I still never shot a deer or killed a chicken. The amount of food we grew in our garden was minimal. We foraged for entertainment, not for survival.

Which means that there was a lot of knowledge and understanding about how nature works that I didn’t get. Some of which I could read about, but a lot of which can only come from first hand experience. What I like to call body knowledge.

What does all of that have to do with spirituality?

Yoga pose in the middle of a street in a cityMost of our spiritual beliefs and practices in the West – especially within the New Age community – have been conceived outside of a natural environment or have been adopted (and modified) from more ‘exotic’, Eastern cultures which themselves were and/or are divorced from nature.

How can these beliefs and practices liberate and empower us if they continue to deepen the divide between ourselves and the natural world? Between our mind and our body? Our soul and our flesh?

As I have written before: These lies of separation are the root of all evil. It is this kind of estrangement from ourselves and the natural world which gives not only rise to war and terror attacks, but also the ecological crisis we find ourselves in.

Which is why I believe that all of our spirituality must be centered around coming back into connection. Intimate connection with our body and sexuality. Intimate connection with other humans in their diversity as well as with the non-human worlds we are part of – especially the natural environment around us.

This is why rewilding spirituality is important.

Which is why I want all of us to really question not only the origins and purpose of our spiritual beliefs and practices but also their effects on us and the natural world.

How does your spirituality re-connect you with nature?

How does it estrange you from nature?

And what purpose do you choose your spirituality to serve and why?

No teacher or book can answer these questions for you. Observe your own experience. The choice is yours if you dare to choose. The time is now to make a change.

(And I have specifically designed this online class for men who choose rewilding.)

Man in suit sitting on a rock in a forest

We have been taught that beauty is frivolous, superficial, a luxury or even a deception or mask for something evil and sinister. In truth beauty is far more central to our purpose here on earth and our destiny than we might have been led to believe. Understanding and following beauty is in fact essential to a spiritual life and living in alignment with divine will and our true bliss.

Check out my newest video to learn more:

 

Find more videos on Gwydion’s YouTube channel.

A couple of days ago a friend told me that I am clearly a lightworker. That doing lightwork was a deep and essential part of my being.

As someone who has spend a long time in resistance to even the concept of lightwork (along with several other terms and concepts used within the New Age community) I was perplexed by this statement.

the yin yang symbol made up of white and black riceI quickly ended up explaining, like I usually do, that, yes, I do see a value in light and its positive attributes, but that there are also a lot of nourishing and positive aspects of darkness. That there is an inherent danger in identifying too strongly with the light if that means rejecting and even demonizing darkness.

While there is a lot of truth to that statement I now feel like I completely missed the point at this moment in our conversation. I was so in resistance to being called a lightworker that I didn’t even ask what he meant by that term exactly or how he sees me doing it.

The reason why I am so much in resistance to the terminology of lightwork is not just that some people who make use of it have used it as an excuse to deepen the rift of separation within themselves and the world (a rift which I perceive of as the root of all evil). There is also an aspect within me that doesn’t want to identify too strongly with a movement and community which is judged by some as a bunch of crazy people. I do not want to be seen as insane by association.

At the root of all this is my shame.

While I do see the value that my extrasensory abilities have to myself and others they are also something that parts of me are still ashamed of. These parts feel shame for being the weird kid. These parts feel ashamed because other people think I am seriously crazy. These parts feel shame because I was told that the realities and beings I perceive are just expressions of human fantasy and are not to be treated as real. They feel ashamed because I have been taught that ‘hearing voices’ is one of the clearest signs of insanity.

One of the threats that my mother made regularly when I was growing up and not behaving in ways she wanted me to was that people would come to put me into a psychiatric ward. That there was only one future for me if I didn’t start to act ‘normal’: imprisonment, isolation, never being taken seriously, being physically restricted, being in pain and being constantly medicated.

An isolated boy/ LightworkerAs a result I tried suppressing my abilities as a child and stopped communicating about the magical worlds and beings that I continued to perceive. I was alone with the faeries and ghosts I saw. Isolated when I talked to the trees. Craving for people who might one day be able to accept me as well as the song of creation I heard in my mind.

That’s one of the reasons I started to get involved with spirituality to begin with. Not just to better understand what I perceived, but also to find a community which would embrace me with all my gifts. Gifts that parts of me had started to believe made me unlovable.

While I had the pleasure to meet a lot of beautiful and loving people on my spiritual path so far it is only now that I begin to fully realize how much of myself I still kept holding back. I could cast spells with Witches, dance with Pagans, muse with New Age friends over the spiritual properties of crystals – but I always restricted my truth and self-expression to a degree to remain acceptable and liked by the respective group I was with.

The same way that I had tried to fit into main stream society before I still tried to fit into the social roles, norms and expectations of the spiritual people I was involved with. Still holding on to the underlying belief that my true and complete self-expression was unacceptable, unlovable and would be rejected.

I do acknowledge that I already released and transformed HUGE amounts of shame since I started my spiritual path. Witchcraft and shamanic practices as well as intensive use of the Completion Process served me very good so far. They will continue to serve me as I allow myself to become more inclusive and expressive of my whole Self.

Bright light illuminating a dark forest (Lightwork/ Shadow Work)Am I a lightworker?

Probably yes. As long as lightwork means bringing things back from the shadows of unconsciousness into the embracing, loving light of awareness in order to (re-)integrate them. Which is all the term really means (and which ironically is also a definition of Shadow Work).

And as long as this doesn’t mean excluding or demonizing the things that are dark – because there is also much beauty and healing found in the embrace of darkness.

Excluding and demonizing the dark is actually the very opposite of what lightwork is actually about. It is not about waging war with darkness nor the things hiding or simply living there. It is about embracing duality. Or even more correctly: It is about integration of all that is (including light and dark) and raising your awareness to a level that can actually do that and sees not only the necessity of it, but also the beauty and joy inherent in that process.

After last week was spend with a lot of clients struggling with very similar challenges I felt inspired to make this new video. It’s about how to open up more fully to the sensuality of life and about allowing life to seduce you. Awakening sensuality is not only about healthy embodiment and great sex, but about creating a life that is in alignment with your actual Self, purpose and desires.

Enjoy the video here or watch it on youtube and let me know what you think!

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