, , ,

Rewilding Poetry

Today is the day to share with you all some poems I wrote in return to the call. The call to rewild, set free that wild child, hidden within, chained still with sin, shame and some fear, to keep me locked here, tame and submissive, confused and dismissive, instead of free, untamed and me.

Sitting woman in ecstacy bursting in flames from withinIt is my desire to share poet’s fire to set us all free, you, us and me, by kindling the flame, burning the shame, reclaiming the virtue of innocent game, sexual play, adventures so gay, a body untamed, a pleasure renamed.

It is my desire to set you on fire!

It is my intention, my green intervention, to call you back home as well as your power, awaken each bone, call down the shower of blessed rain to wash you all clean inside your brain and bodies unseen, that you may know inside each cell that you are wild and you are well and you can heal, set yourself free, become the flame and follow me. Or better yet your inner voice. Into the wild? It is your choice.

So use your body and choose well!

I await you at the sacred well.

A group of faeries ascending from wild waterWild Calling

I call, yes,
I call you,
human child,
into the wild,
into the wild!

Your senses
human child,
born from the wild,
born for the wild.

Your power
human child,
set free in the wild
to be in the wild.

Your prison,
your chains, yes,
human child,
get burned in the wild,
to let you be wild.

The calling
calls for you,
human child,
go into the wild,
remember the wild.


The Beast is Rising!

The beast is risingA medieval beast

beneath the skin

where wild herbs

and berries grow.

It smells of flowers,

sweat and soil.

From darkness it crawls,

its muscles aching

for play.

It drinks deep of the sunshine,

bathes in moonlight,

drinks from the streams,

remembers living.

I feel it humming

beneath the skin.

Intimate stranger,

explicit lover,

King of the jungle.

Let the courtship begin!

(If you are a guy let the courtship begin in earnest by joining Wild Men Rising.)

A man on a hike overlooking a valley from a mountain top (rewilding poetry)

, , ,

Rewilding Spirituality

How wild, untamed and free do you dare to become?

The first time that I encountered the term ‘rewilding’ was in Peter grey’s very insightful and important blogpost called Rewilding Witchcraft. It follows the idea that Witches and Pagans have sort of forgotten their roots and their purpose which are connected to engaging with and protecting the wild. It challenges the respective audience to open up their eyes to the current ecological crisis of the planet and most of our local environments. It asks us to revisit our spiritual practices and question them.

Do they really connect me with the wild inside and outside of myself?

Do my actions build connections with, acknowledge and protect the non-human communities I live with?

These are some of the guiding questions which have walked with me since I first read Peter Grey’s words. It’s what started my own rewilding journey.

small boy at the edge of a lakeI have always felt a very intimate connection with plants and the spirits of nature. I spent a lot of my childhood and teenage years in the garden and the forest. I talked to trees and faeries.

At the same time I was socialized like most of us. I was told how to sit, eat and behave. I was told that there are no spirits in my room at night. That the natural world was not really dead, but below human consciousness. That there was no actual way to talk to trees or rivers. That God had blessed humans with unique mental capacities which allowed us to condition, control and rule the wilderness outside of us as well as our body and animal nature.

These teachings were given to me by my parents, but also the other kids I played with, neighbors, school, etc. These were some of the collective assumptions about reality that I had to accept (at least officially) to become acceptable. Unacceptable beliefs and actions were laughed at or punished.

Add to that all the emotional and physical abuse I experienced by family and ‘friends’ as a child and teenager for being different than expected. For being other(worldly?).

As a result I forgot how to see and talk with the faeries and other beings for a while. It took me years of dedicated spiritual practice to get them back. Some of my clairvoyant abilities are still not nearly as evolved as they were when I was 5 years old.

statue of a druid in front of treesThe kind of spirituality that had always spoken to me and was instrumental in my emotional healing process and self-empowerment was Witchcraft.

When I discovered this alternative to Christian beliefs and doctrines when I was 12 years old I was so excited! It felt like coming home. Like I’m not weird for experiencing the world a certain way, but gifted.

Witchcraft and other shamanic, Pagan and polytheist practices and beliefs continued to inform me since that time.

I loved especially how these beliefs and practices seemed rooted in nature and emphasized how to live in ‘harmony’ and ‘balance’ with the natural world.

It wasn’t until I started learning more about ecology, nature conservation and sustainable agriculture that I noticed how removed many of these (modern) beliefs and practices actually were from nature.

I believe that the same can be said about a lot of teachings and beliefs within the ‘New Age’ and ‘spiritual’ community.

I am no exception to probably being a little blind-sided by growing up in a relative urban environment within Western civilization. How could I not be?

I did run through fields and forests as a child and we still grew at least some of our food in our garden. We foraged mushrooms and herbs for tea. We used natural medicines. We were probably more attuned to the land and that kind of ancestral knowledge than most of our neighbors.

And I still never shot a deer or killed a chicken. The amount of food we grew in our garden was minimal. We foraged for entertainment, not for survival.

Which means that there was a lot of knowledge and understanding about how nature works that I didn’t get. Some of which I could read about, but a lot of which can only come from first hand experience. What I like to call body knowledge.

What does all of that have to do with spirituality?

Yoga pose in the middle of a street in a cityMost of our spiritual beliefs and practices in the West – especially within the New Age community – have been conceived outside of a natural environment or have been adopted (and modified) from more ‘exotic’, Eastern cultures which themselves were and/or are divorced from nature.

How can these beliefs and practices liberate and empower us if they continue to deepen the divide between ourselves and the natural world? Between our mind and our body? Our soul and our flesh?

As I have written before: These lies of separation are the root of all evil. It is this kind of estrangement from ourselves and the natural world which gives not only rise to war and terror attacks, but also the ecological crisis we find ourselves in.

Which is why I believe that all of our spirituality must be centered around coming back into connection. Intimate connection with our body and sexuality. Intimate connection with other humans in their diversity as well as with the non-human worlds we are part of – especially the natural environment around us.

This is why rewilding spirituality is important.

Which is why I want all of us to really question not only the origins and purpose of our spiritual beliefs and practices but also their effects on us and the natural world.

How does your spirituality re-connect you with nature?

How does it estrange you from nature?

And what purpose do you choose your spirituality to serve and why?

No teacher or book can answer these questions for you. Observe your own experience. The choice is yours if you dare to choose. The time is now to make a change.

(And I have specifically designed this online class for men who choose rewilding.)

Man in suit sitting on a rock in a forest

Porn Addiction, Recovery and Freedom

If you read my last post about my porn addiction you already know that about five years ago I used to watch and masturbate to porn for hours each day. This was not about pleasure. It was about escaping my emotions and my life. I was depressed, overwhelmed, felt isolated and couldn’t let go of a love relationship that was anything but working.

Something needed to change. It became very clear to me very fast that my porn addiction needed to go.

I felt porn sucking away my concentration, initiative, time and energy. I was functioning like a robot instead of living my life.

Like most of you who have experienced being addicted or being stuck with your coping mechanisms know: Quitting is usually easier said than done.

There is a reason why we developed these addictions and coping mechanisms in the first place – and unless we begin with changing our life and diving into the emotions we are trying to avoid no real change can take place.

Which is a gradual process.

Five years later my own recovery process is not done. I had good streaks. Then I relapsed. Then I tried again. Succeeded for a while. Relapsed again. Changed some things about my approach or gave up for a while. Repeat.

All of that said: I am in a WAY BETTER condition now than I was back when I started. I remember PMOing (using Porn for Masturbating to Orgasm) several times each day. Spending hours in front of the screen watching porn. Not having any drive to do something else.

Now I am no longer that person.

There are days when I feel like I’m in control and can make conscious decisions about porn (like not to watch it).

And there are still days when I feel like porn and other forms of digital sexuality are in control of me.

Blindfolded man walking through waterYesterday I watched a TV show dealing with mental programming as done in religious cults. The main characters were no longer free to make their own decisions. They have been trained to behave in certain ways once certain external circumstances happen. Triggering them into submission. They tried to break free, but most of them failed or did only partially recover.

(They didn’t really reach out for help with deprogramming, though. Which is what would actually have helped them.)

Watching this show it dawned on me that my relationship to porn was similar. All it needed were some external triggers and I just submitted to PMO. It was no longer anything that my soul or body wanted. It was a mental program taking charge over my body.

Now I can watch it happen and sometimes I can break the pattern. At other times I just watch myself like watching someone else on the screen.

It’s in these moments when a slave inside me takes over. A part of me that has been so conditioned by porn that he has forgotten freedom of choice. And even that the point of sex is to enjoy yourself and find pleasure. This part doesn’t even care that porn doesn’t give me nearly as much pleasure as sex without it does (good masturbation included).

What was sad, confusing and most irritating to realize about that is that nobody trained me to behave that way. There was no abuser present who programmed me. I did it to myself.

I do understand now that I did it to myself in order to survive an impossible situation. It was my way to survive all the abuse and loneliness of my childhood and teenage years. It helped me deal with the constant pain of being romantically and personally rejected – all the time.

I also know that I move out of that pattern of compulsive PMO completely once I’m surrounded with people who I have a positive relationship with. Physical and emotional isolation is what drives this addiction.

Nothing like emotional intimacy and hugs to get me out of it.

After watching that TV show I do know now that what I really crave is freedom. The freedom to make my own choices. The freedom that I have taken away from me through this addiction and other coping mechanisms.

A freedom which I will do everything to reclaim.

Man under waterfall enjoying life (the freedom of addiction)


My Porn Addiction

It’s May 1st! Not only is that the beginning of summer according the the Celtic calender (beginning with celebrations of fun and pleasure known as Beltane or Beltaine), but it’s also National Masturbation Month in the USA. Therefore a great opportunity to talk about my recovery from porn addiction.

I started masturbating to internet porn when I was 13 years old. As soon as I got access to the internet.

a person browsing the internetBack then porn sites were harder to find, but it was possible. And there would always be the opportunity to read erotic stories with explicit sexual content. Or engage in cybersex and sexting.

Truth be told, I found all of that hugely supportive and helpful in figuring out and accepting my sexuality. In made me feel like others like me were out there. It made me feel like my sexual desires and fetishes had a huge audience which made me not only feel less isolated, but more ‘normal’ and acceptable.

And there was all the emotional and physical abuse I needed to get away from. Masturbation in general became my opiate. My way of finding relief and escaping at least internally. My way of numbing the pain.

Fast forward to five years ago:

My PMO (Porn -> Masturbation -> Orgasm) habits were still around and in full bloom. I still used porn and masturbation to escape from emotional pain. I was avoiding conflict, making painful decisions and generally avoiding my ‘negative emotions’. Porn addiction thrives on that.

Binge watching TV shows was another addiction that I had developed for similar reasons.

man starring at his screen at night (porn addiction)There were days when I literally did nothing else than watching TV shows, eating, PMO, repeat. Sometimes I literally spend hours watching porn each day. Masturbating and bringing myself to orgasms several times each day.

Nothing of that had to do with pleasure anymore. Nothing of that was a conscious decision. It was like letting my addictions take over the driver seat of my life. I preferred escaping into artificial realities over dealing with my own.

That was when I admitted to myself that I had a problem.

It was also around that point in time when I first heard about porn addiction to begin with and the science/ neurology behind it. I think this was the first video I saw about it.

I needed to have that concept and the knowledge of how it affects and wires the reward circuits in our brain. How it disables our ability to make conscious decisions because of that ‘wiring’ (like any addiction does). And what it takes to rewire the brain towards freedom.

That is when I started my porn addiction recovery.

More about that in upcoming posts. 🙂

If you don’t want to wait that long you can also watch the video below about my recovery process that I made a while ago (even though I prefer my newer videos … ). Or wait for more!

May freedom reign!